This is it. Time is up. Can't say it wasn't worth it though. So thank you! For each and every single moment we shared and mostly, thank you for a second chance.

We made it count.

Is this it?

We were so different from all the others,
But we weren't perfect either.

A familiar feeling has come to visit. We meet again stranger.  Have you come to collect my yearly due?

My highest hopes that everything im going through for you would be worth it someday. It's been kinda tough for me recently, but i'll stick it out. I swear, until the day I run out of reasons. Why? Maybe, Just maybe 'cause what i feel may be what I've been looking for all along. This may be it. Just hope that someday you realize how special what we have right now really is. That someday you open up your heart and feel the same way.

Holding on to that piece of time
When it felt right.
Keep me going.
Please.
Keep me going.

I don't wanna have to give us away.
Keep me going.

    I Have absolutely no idea what in the world brought me to this place. What did I get? A truck load of realizations that Aren't that great in the first place? Doubts about myself that aren't that easy to overcome. And what did I lose? Haha. The life I always dreamed of. And to top it all off, A bestfriend. Well, maybe God has something in store for me other than what I really think I wanted. Maybe all this nonsense and bullshit that has been happening for the past 5 months or so will sooner find its meaning. Maybe there's something greater than the worth of those events. Or maybe karma's the villain here. Haha Yeah. But how? I've been through the "Picking up the litter" and " saving coins for Sunday Mass" with the pure wholeness and goodness in my heart. Or maybe it was me "falling" inlove with my bestfriend when my other bestfriend still wasn't over that person. Explains alot? OR is it really love? Love is too cliche. Oh well, what the fuck. I'm thankfully over now. After being through the worst of hell. I'll just go with the flow. Ride my boat right this time.

    " There is more to life than relationships anyway." Thanks, you know who you are :)

    You just suddenly reappear into my life. And both of us click like clockwork. Well, I hope I forget where this is going. What we have right now is Golden. And I don't want to ruin that. I just need time okay? I wouldn't want to rush things. Hopefully we'll have our chance someday. And I'm gonna do it right this time. All the things I never got to prove. All the things I never got to give since I dreamed of "loving". 'cause we 'll dream together. I promise.

    I am starting to lead a happier life now. The dreams have kinda stopped. But yeah, maybe there still is a TINY spark left for you. You have obviously moved on. And I decided that maybe I'm not just gonna be stuck down here in a state of nothingness. There's more to life than being in relationships anyway. And I know you've heard quite bad rumors about me. That I have changed. I have. And I know I'm not the same anymore. If you only knew about the illegal things I've been doing. But I expected you to know me more than those rumors. Oh well. If you don't want the friendship back its fine with me. Sorry for the random thought but yeah. I've become too defensive.


    Coming across palancas is really. Haha. I don't have the word. I came across yours. " You are one of the people that make me believe that some friendships are worth keeping". That line got me. I'm sorry. I just couldn't finish the whole letter. Well you could forget. Selective memory is the game to play. Avoid getting hurt. I wish I could too. Unfortunately I'm not gifted with the ability to forget. I Have to face everything I know about this world and keep them to myself. So yeah. A few more blogs and I'm going to stop. I just have to get everything I want to say off my chest.

    Afterglow was fun! Had a great time! She didn't dance with any guys which makes me the luckiest person last night. Haha. Some guy from la salle got severely drunk and he was sleeping on the road kissing shit :| So we had to carry the jerk inside the clubhouse and splash him with ice. But still he wouldn't come to his senses. What an asshole. So yeah. I still have a debut later. Days are closing in before I leave for cebu. The inevitable. Again.

    Sorry for the boring blogs. My wandering mind is still on hold. I promise I'll write something worth the time. I promise.


   

Some Shit I made way back.

Fallen Leaves

Fallen leaves
just waiting for the summer night's breeze
to sweep them away

blown by the wind to the ocean sea
away from the trees where they used to be
healthy and green supported by roots
attached to their branches together with fruits

smiled upon by the rays of the sun
just like how I felt for you before it was shun.

Now my emotions have betrayed me and left me astray
Now those leaves are old and withered
weak and wiltered
my hopes and dreams that you have filtered.

Those leaves have lost their way alone in the cold
and i have lost your heart which I forever long to hold.

For me, there was no such ocean..
No more hope for freedom from myself.

following that mysterious dark silhouette
which forces me to love expectations that were never met.
Please recognize my feelings that i struggle to renew
The leaves have fallen and I,
I still love you.

    Okay now Harry Potter starts appearing in my dreams. Disturbing :|

    I wake up with the same twisted realization I've been having every morning since we broke up. That it's gone. And a good friend of yours just had to remind me last night. Is there anyone out there sharing the agony? Well yeah I bet there is. I bet there are thousands of us. Sorry for the exaggeration.

    I would like to rant. Rant about how our three years of being best friends turned into one month of chaotic love then everything is broken. I admit. It was my fault. How could you keep up with a guy like that. Even if you were my best friend. I mean, I was asking for a change. I expected more and more. And i was a drama king. What i never got to do was just go home and talk to you simply because i loved you. I wanted what we had to be perfect. I wanted to be sure. But I destroyed everything on the way.  And I'm sorry. You were my first girlfriend. And i was a newbie in those sorts of things. You did nothing else but love me.  IM SO FUCKING SORRY. And I always ask God why you had to be the girl to teach me that. You still mean that much to me you know. I try to keep my feelings shallow at the moment. I don't wanna be going breaking down in front of everyone. But it gets better everyday. The pain is as if injected with anesthesia that's piling up on my numb skin. But I'll eventually forget.

    Thank God this live journal is only for myself.

dmasdmakdmwkdmawka.

So it's afterglow tomorrow.  I'll see you there. And I am just loaded with insecurity. Who am I to feel this way right? But its just that other guys might. They're gonna. Fuck if he touches you I'm gonna.

Tell me why you loved me,
Then tell me why you let go.

After all those years, after everything we've been through,
look at me in the eye,
and scream out that you never
ever felt a single heartbeat.

 

    Okay So I wake up at around 9am the other day. Pausing. And I say to myself. "Fuck, my feelings aren't gone." I have been trying to move on. And I was in subic. I was far far away. But these dreams are like clockwork. Can they just please stop? They make it harder to carry on. I know its over. I'm sure it is. And I'm thankful we can talk again already. I mean, without any awkward notions that is. Its been fine. I honestly wouldn't want to get into anything with you right now cause I know that it just wouldn't be that easy for both of us so yeah, as the saying goes, "Bahala na."

    At least all those spiting for misinterpreted reasons are all over. If you were pissed. I was pissed even more times a million. I know those blogs i made that were wrong. "Another Night of Wisteria" and the like. But for those without any trace of bad blood on you? And you still get mad? I mean, FUCK. Well at least its over. I just hope our friendship works for a second time now. We'll make it work. Lets hope for the best. In a sincerely platonic way.